The world is divided into two parts: those who had a happy childhood and the others. However, an unhappy childhood has a direct impact on adult life and the way we deal with difficulties. In his book reconstructionthe author and psychoanalyst Moussa Nabati, who made a name for himself with his bestseller Heal your inner childproposes, through various testimonies, to make peace with the suffering child within himself in order to find the psychological balance.
Photo courtesy of Editions Robert Laffont
Illness, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a divorce are all difficult trials to face and require awareness to face them. For some, a rebuild will be necessary before they can continue.
Rebuilding oneself is, in a way, a work of introspection. For the author, when we experience great inner suffering, it is the child within us who experiences and feels it with an intensity associated with the pains of childhood.
For example, a child who is lacking in love will suffer more than one who has been given much when experiencing a breakup. It is the wound of childhood that resurfaces either through rejection or lack of love. As long as this exercise is not done consciously, the negative emotions will run high and it will be difficult to regain the upper hand.
Since we are not responsible for our childhood, we must learn to detach and make peace with our past patterns in order to reconcile with our inner child and eventually heal.
The author explains in his book that every trauma carries the risk of being experienced as a collapse, an explosion, a dramatic fall that leads nowhere.
But brooding over dark thoughts inevitably leads to depression. Even when you feel powerless or even dispossessed, filled with a strong sense of injustice and uselessness being swept away by a torrent of dark ideas, you must persevere and avoid dramatization.
First you need to tell yourself that you are not the only one who has experienced such a tragedy. Most get up when they want to. And that, you are the only one who can decide about it. We can remain in turmoil and yell badly or choose to go somewhere even if a break is needed beforehand, because we know we will make other mistakes along the way. Life is like this, it’s never one long, calm river. This too is evolution in the truest sense of the word.
The most important thing is to move forward without fear, because yes, there are also chances that it will turn in our favor, success is also possible, while staying in nothing is not possible. Complaining is a relief to you, but know that one day you will get sick of it and then one day there will be no one to listen to you complain. After some good advice, those around you will get tired of seeing you go under and you will be more isolated and have even more reasons to go under. A vicious circle.
If you think about it, the only way to win is if you try to downplay it and use your inner strength to stand up.
opportunities to grow
It is necessary for the author to see every exam as an opportunity to grow. We have all seen many people experience terrible tragedies. Some choose to wallow in self-pity, worse by using alcohol or drugs as a crutch, while others pull themselves together and move on.
Who are the real heroes? The ones who dramatize and feel sorry for themselves, or the ones who manage to get away with it? We all know the answer. Even in the world of celebrity, where everything seems easy and synonymous with success, the opposite is true: most have experienced horrific drama and have done better afterwards. It is that most of them are endowed with a very great determination. They pursue their dreams by looking straight ahead.
♦ Moussa Nabati is a psychoanalyst, doctor of psychology and author of several books including the bestseller Heal your inner child.