Squeaky pants time for butlers at one of Britain’s grandest hotels: CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews

Squeaky pants time for butlers at one of Britain’s grandest hotels: CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews

The Savoy (ITV)

Valuation:

999: Critical condition (channel 4)

Valuation:

What-ho, Jeeves! Prepare for a chic reinvention. The Wooster Skull’s finely crafted engine fires on all six cylinders, much to your advantage.

“Really, sir?”

Absolutely, Jeeves. You shouldn’t cramme anymore. Your angry days are over.

‘Very good, sir. Although, if I may remind you, I’m not a butler. I am a gentleman’s personal gentleman.’

I've been avidly watching the new series from The Savoy (ITV) or actually 'gorging on' as I think the younger generation puts it.  And let me tell you, butlers are a thing of the past.

I’ve been avidly watching the new series from The Savoy (ITV) or actually ‘gorging on’ as I think the younger generation puts it. And let me tell you, butlers are a thing of the past.

Whistle! Tush and wiffle, Jeeves. I’ve been avidly watching the new series from The Savoy (ITV) or actually ‘gorging on’ as I think the younger generation puts it. And let me tell you, butlers are a thing of the past.

‘That’s news, sir.’

Not in the slightest. From now on, your official designation is Guest Experience Executive. Wonderful huh? I say Jeeves. . . where are you going . . . Come back!

Played to hilarious perfection by Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie in the early 1990s, dear old Jeeves and Bertie Wooster would not recognize the modern Savoy.

The prestigious butler service for the hotel’s larger suites has been rebranded. Head butler Sean Davoren is now the Guest Experience Manager, which sounds like a title bestowed on a spotty part-timer who punches tickets at Alton Towers.

The Savoy's head butler Sean Davoren's slogan is

The Savoy’s head butler Sean Davoren’s slogan is “As long as it’s legal, we’ll do it for you.”

Sean is the Guest Experience Manager, which sounds like a title given to a spotty part-timer who punches tickets at Alton Towers

Sean is the Guest Experience Manager, which sounds like a title given to a spotty part-timer who punches tickets at Alton Towers

Sean’s motto is, “As long as it’s legal, we’ll do it for you.” The Savoy’s website promises that this includes everything from fashion advice to ensuring guests’ pets have a choice of luxurious baskets.

PG Wodehouse followers will know that Jeeves had firm views on dress and lap dogs.

It would not have pleased Raouf, who had rented a suite for his friend’s birthday party. Raouf carried a Chihuahua named Milan with him everywhere, squeezing into leather pants so tight they were practically tourniquets. Every step he took made a sound like a rusty hinge. “He squeaked,” admitted Sean, who operated the party’s mobile bar.

The ITV Savoy documentary doesn't pretend to make serious observations.  We're here for the camp excesses

The ITV Savoy documentary doesn’t pretend to make serious observations. We’re here for the camp excesses

Jeeves, who believed in the miraculous power of a fishy diet to lubricate the brain, would have appreciated the hotel’s new seafood restaurant. But even a month of halibut couldn’t touch actor Christopher Biggins, who took his pals Shirley Ballas to the Savoy Grill for dinner. “The Ritz has always been very special,” Biggins gushed to the camera. He tried to correct himself, but it was too late.

It’s faux pas like that and the leather pants that make this such a guilty indulgence. Contrary to the Beeb’s hotel documentation, this does not pretend to make serious observations. We’re here for the camp excesses.

The frenetic hospital documentary 999: Critical Condition (C5) delivers nothing but serious observations.

No patient conversations or amusing moments overheard in waiting areas like 24 hours in the ER on C4. It’s an ongoing trauma from the moment each patient is rolled in. Heartwarming results are not guaranteed. A man died after slipping in his bathtub. Another lost an eye when a 15 stone slug of metal hit his face.

The hospital documentary 999: Critical Condition (C5) provides nothing but serious observations

The hospital documentary 999: Critical Condition (C5) provides nothing but serious observations

This is sophisticated, often grueling television that leaves us in no doubt how hard emergency physicians work

This is sophisticated, often grueling television that leaves us in no doubt how hard emergency physicians work

The camera was merciless...kept cutting to blood splatters on the floor and stretchers

The camera was merciless…kept cutting to blood splatters on the floor and stretchers

“I don’t know where to start,” worried one doctor after 37-year-old Simon underwent surgery on his shattered eye socket. “It’s going to be a real life-changing injury.”

The camera was merciless, showing us Simon’s horror and repeatedly splattering blood on the floor and the stretcher.

This is sophisticated, often grueling television that leaves us in no doubt how hard emergency physicians work.