Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’s ultimate look at the soaps of the week

Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’s ultimate look at the soaps of the week

CORONATION STREET: THIS WILL HURT, DOC…

Aggie must be the least busy nurse in the country. Does she ever meet patients, other than those from Weatherfield, who miraculously always manage to find an empty bed?

She was never stressed, probably needs a GPS to find the medicine cabinet, and even found time to fantasize about her new boss, Mr. Thorne.

It didn’t take long for things to go awry when Aggie found out he rushed Peter’s liver transplant for a bet.

Now Peter has heard about it, he’s on the warpath and after tracking down Mr. Thorne in a restaurant he loses his temper and hits the surgeon.

On Coronation Street, Peter is arrested after beating the surgeon who performed his liver transplant when he finds out he rushed it for a bet

On Coronation Street, Peter is arrested after beating the surgeon who performed his liver transplant when he finds out he rushed it for a bet

Should’ve left it, Peter. The police arrive, arrest him on suspicion of assault, and he is charged at the station.

A coup for Corrie

Viewers will recognize Corrie’s Dominic Mafham – Aggie’s new boss Mr Thorne (above left, with Peter) – as Grantchester’s St John Gurney-Clifford and Killing Eve’s Charles Kruger.

That must have been the fastest action in Weatherfield’s history.

How did you find the restaurant in the first place, when nobody goes there other than the bistro – which, by the way, has been filling up more and more lately.

There are now extras in the booths, so the main characters finally have a valid reason to choose the same table right in the middle of the restaurant, leaving the best seats empty as they usually do.

Peter won’t let it go and asks the Gazette to run an article about Mr. Thorne’s unethical practices.

Good luck with it.

The last big story they wanted to tell was about Nicky’s sordid “escort” past; Even though they tracked them down, they still ended up on the front page with something about a tree/parking lot/paint drying (I forgot what; it was so boring).

Humor has returned to the show (finally, after a long streak of mostly boring storylines), and Kirk’s new role as Extra Office Administrator has been a riot; likewise George’s snoring.

Just hurry up and stop this endless chatter about Abi and Drooogs.

When she manages to turn the tables on Ben and film him buying Drooogs, will he admit to lying when she threatens him with the police? Enough now!

EAST OF

The return of the fabulous Kim Medcalf as Sam is a great injection of life into the female cast. When she, Kat and Sharon are together, it’s like watching the three witches in Macbeth, albeit in a less friendly way.

Kim Medcalf (pictured) returns as Sam, bringing the female cast to life.  She hijacks Kat's prison visit to Phil and reveals Jonah's plans to buy Ruby's

Kim Medcalf (pictured) returns as Sam, bringing the female cast to life. She hijacks Kat’s prison visit to Phil and reveals Jonah’s plans to buy Ruby’s

After hijacking Kat’s prison visit to Phil’s, Sam reveals that Jonah plans to buy Ruby’s and they should get in first.

Who broke the budget?

Has the £86.7million spent on the new EastEnders set wiped out the costume and interior design budget? Whitney’s faux-fur vest makes her look like she’s bumped into a moose; Kim looks like she’s ruptured a blood vessel in her jaundice-colored jacket and red hair. As for the interiors, Rainie’s house has one wall with green, yellow, and red wallpaper, another dark pink, and another light pink. It’s like a confused Kirstie Allsopp was unleashed on Love It Or List It with a can of Dulux.

Unfortunately, she misses the meeting with Ruby’s lawyers when her ex throws all her things on the street.

Have you ever seen so much stuff? And where is all this going? As it stands, the allotment would be the best place for it – two meters below the cabbage patch.

When she arrives at Ruby’s, it’s too late: Jonah bought it.

Why? Doesn’t he know there’s never more than a dozen people in there? What will the new name be?

Maybe Jonah’s Whale of a Time (geddit?).

Ben still wanders the streets doing his crime boss impersonation, but why wasn’t he caught?

Corrie’s Craig would have nailed his crimes in two minutes.

By the way, where does Linda (yes, still drinks) buy these handbags with such huge bottles in them?

Mine could barely manage a miniature.

EMMERDALE: A HOODED MURDERER? AT LEAST IT CAN’T BE MEENA…

It was obviously another quiet day at the office when someone said, “I know! Let’s do another gun story; We haven’t had one of them in, ooh, weeks.’

So, after Meena gets beat up and her gun is presumably back in the prop closet, a shootout ensues in the woods.

The shot is a flashforward to a special episode week where Noah escalates his pursuit of Chloe. The penny drops after she stumbles upon her lost keys, and when she confronts him, he becomes aggressive and tries to lock her in the house.

In Emmerdale, Noah's (pictured) stalking of Chloe escalates.  He becomes aggressive and tries to lock her in the house

In Emmerdale, Noah’s (pictured) stalking of Chloe escalates. He becomes aggressive and tries to lock her in the house

What will Charity make of it when she steps in on her wayward son? Let’s hope she’s not holding a gun.

So back to the forest. Gabby fears Jamie is hanging around – ready and waiting to catch Thomas – when she checks the CCTV and spots a hooded figure lurking in said forest.

However, Jamie has always been a bit of a sneak – he constantly looks like a slightly nervous bank robber, hovering around every pillar and post on Home Farm – but is Mr. Hoodie him? The hoodies are clearly kept in the same prop closet as the guns, by the way, and this one I’m guessing belongs to Meena enjoying another outing.

Wednesday’s episode sees a return to the shot; but who is the inanimate body? Question because I have my own hit list.