“You can’t say they are your children, you didn’t give birth to them.” This is the phrase Michela Murgia keeps receiving after revealing on social media her deepest bonds, which she has tied to the concept of a queer family. Here are those he considers children, mothers, and husbands, though not necessarily related by blood relationship or recognition of the law. “I have sincere sympathy for those who keep repeating this phrase to me, convinced that they hurt me, but it’s a phrase that also upsets me because I see around me so many queer mothers and fathers who instead remain annihilated, annihilated in their love choice to be reduced to their biological function, which they often endured in pain and dealt with enormous economic, physical and social sacrifices,” he replies today in a lengthy post on Instagram.
“So give us permission to discriminate against us”
The Three Bowls author says it’s “scandalous” that in 2023 people “continue to view their own reproduction as a fact of blood from blood.” That is why he defines it as “the most fascist thing there is, which denies will, choice, the wonderful peculiarity of loving someone in an absolutely free way, without dependence on any genetic destiny”. And he wants to emphasize that “every time the law is given the opportunity to decide who is and is not a child, who is and is not a parent, governments are given the opportunity to discriminate against people on the basis of their bodies and functions, and to define what is normal and what is marginal, what can be legitimized and what can be prosecuted.”
Because it rejects the concept of fidelity
A few days ago, Michela Murgia married Lorenzo Terenzi, albeit reluctantly. And a week later, the author reflects on the classic phrase proclaimed at weddings: “I promise to always be faithful to you.” A concept he rejects because he sees fidelity as “just another name for possessions, which seethes the poison of jealousy, which defiles feelings and structures the most painful and unbalanced power relations”. And she says that ever since she was a child, she’s had a hard time answering the question, “Are you the loyal guy?” That’s why Murgia reaffirms his decision to stick to the structure of queer relationships: “He rejects fidelity and demands reliability.” Who you sleep with or who you are in love with are irrelevant data. Who would want to be forced to belong exclusively to others, especially under the threat of the law or the social stigma of the unbeliever?” And he concludes: “Violating fidelity is the alibi for domestic violence and femicide.” In the name of fidelity, you can call a woman a whore, condemn her behavior, and even obtain extenuating circumstances in court if you kill her.”